” I had to leave because I was starting to actually care about you, and that just means I could get hurt. Maybe it was because I wasn’t ready to like someone so much.”

I'm scared you are slowly not liking me the way you did in the beginning while I am quickly liking you more and more & yet I don't understand why.

I’m here, thinking of what i should honestly do right now. i’m a fckin LOST CAUSE. FRL, no no no. ON THE MOTHA’ FCKN REAL. it’s like “FUCK EVERYTHING ALREADY” only if it was THAT EASY. but its fckn not. he tells me “no no no, YOUR FCKD UP. THIS IS FCKD UP CAIT !” and i fcking know its a fucked up situation okay ! you think i wouldnt have thought of the consequences before all of this ? FUCK YEAH I DID ! but what actually PUSHED ME FORWARD was when i thought about the time away from you. from summer, till now. back then you didnt wanna get back ? SO WHY ONLY NOW ? is it because you know things ? NOW YOU WANT ME BACK ? now you tell me you miss me and love me ? why hadn’t you tell me EARLIER when i was willign to put effort into this, wtfck is this ? how many times have i actually MANNED UP and asked you back out ? BUT every single time you either said “not now, latter on” or “i just wanna be single for now” how long will that fckn take ?!? why should i be wasting time on waiting for something i know that will take forever to happen ? SO WHY DO YOU THINK I MOVED ON ? because baby, i dont have forever to wait for you YA’KNOW ? we only live life once, and i cant waste my life on the sideline anymore, i can’t keep WAITIN WAITIN. you go and do your thing, and i’ll go and do mines. it’s not fair that you tell me who i can talk to, and who i shouldn’t talk to. why can’t you just be happy for me bestfriend ? or thats what we used to be. really ? really, are you serious about this ? you leave me speechless, but whats the difference ? i fuck up everything anyways…

I love you. not maybe, not tomorrow, not someday, right now - at this very moment. I realized something - I need you, I trust you, I admire you. I want you. And you can be wrong a lot of the time, we can fight and get mad at each other, but nothing - nothing in this world can change the fact that I love you.